You know that pair of jeans…the ones that fit you perfectly and highlight all your most highlightable parts. The nooks and crannies seem to perfectly align with your shapes and curves in the most glorious way. Remember how great you feel when you wear them, how the conversion flows at parties as you flirt with all the beautiful people? I have those too……ahhhh, my sexy jeans.
Yeah, well, unfortunately, they don’t fit anymore. So they hang in their special place in my closet, right next to my modern khaki slim-tapered Navy/white Flyway pants. Oh, how I love those too…but I digress. You see, the problem is I’m getting fat. That’s right F-A-T. And it’s not the good kinda fat where your shoulders get bigger and your butt gets bigger and you generally fill out your clothes better. No, it’s the worst kind of fat…belly fat. If I were a woman, I am quite sure people would stop me to ask what color I’m painting my nursery.
This brings me to my point about Jennifer Aniston. You see, I think she is sooooo beautiful. I always have. I loved her Jennifer Aniston hair in “Friends” and her Jennifer Aniston quirkiness in “Along Came Polly”. Even now, I see her in commercials and think, “Wow, she’s still so….soft and sweet and beautiful, like a golden retriever puppy……ahhh, pretty Jen. ” But here’s the thing. One day she won’t be, right? I mean, you can’t stay beautiful forever, right? How tragic must it be to be so incredibly beautiful one day, and then the next….not.
I guess I am, well, fortunate then. You see, I was never quite Jennifer Aniston beautiful. I was always kinda baldish and a little more pale than the handsome guys on TV. (At this point I would like to publicly express my gratitude to Asia for producing a subset of gay men who are into guys like me. ) So perhaps I don’t have quite as far to fall. But, still, I look in the mirror and know that my physical body is not what it used to be.
So my question for you is this: How do you deal with those parts that cause you to feel shame? How do you deal with your pale skin or dark skin? How do you deal with your male pattern baldness, the lines around your eyes, your mediocre job or your enlarging waistline? How do you deal with your slanted eyes, or even your POZ status? How do you deal with a culture that sometimes says, “you’re not quite good enough.”
Unfortunately, I think too many of us try to find the perfect man to make us feel better about ourselves. If we hook up with enough “hot guys” we can finally believe that we too have achieved “hotness” status. We try to buy expensive cars and designer clothes in hopes that this will bring us up to the next rung of the social ladder. We even turn to drugs and alcohol to help us numb the pain because we feel unlovable the way we are. I know I have done all these things at various points in my life. And in my line of work, I often see the unfortunate consequences of some of these decisions.
So forgive me for getting a bit “Dr. Phil” on you, but hear me out. Take a moment, extricate yourself from the gay social experiment. Find your passion in life and pursue it. No one is more attractive than when they are pursuing their dreams. Decide what you can do to make your corner of the world a better place. Open your mind to relationships with people who will not necessarily increase your social status. Put down your cell phone, step away from your computer and interact with a real human being.
So, should I get my hiney to the gym and try to be the best version of myself I can be? Absolutely! I want to be the sharpest dressed, slimmest, trimmest 90 year old at the party. As Ru Paul said, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else.”
And Jennifer Aniston, if you are reading, please know that I will always think you are beautiful, even when you are 102!